(a ONE PIECE fanfiction by Cameron Bogue)

This is pretty pointless and doesn't really go anywhere.
Monkey D Luffy, Usop, Sanji, Zorro, Vi Vi, Chopper and Nami belong to Eiichiro Oda.
The other characters belong to me. I hate them.

Sanji almost chuckled as practically everyone drooled over the dish he had prepared. It had taken quite some time to find the fish, not to mention the preparation which lasted for nearly seven hours, but it would be worth it. The aroma, the texture, it was truly the perfect meal.

The entire crew had come outside to the hastily assembled dinner table to gaze at his culinary masterpiece. Chopper, Monkey and Usopp's mouths were gaping wide open as saliva threatened to come out. Nami and Vivi were licking their lips as well at the sight of the glorious fish. And Zorro... was asleep on the floor.

"WAKE UP YOU IDIOT!" Sanji said as he laid a vicious axe which drove through the floor where Zorro's head had been. Cracking his neck Zorro yawned and looked over at the table and smiled.

"Aa? Food!" the swordsman said before running over to the table. Sanji managed to pry his foot from the jagged hole in the ship's floor and walked back to the group. He coughed into his hand trying to get everyone's attention and promptly failed at that so he settled for yelling.

"Take your eyes off the food and bring them to me!" That didn't work. Violence, the solution to all of life's problems, took its rightful place as the final step in getting their attention. Bringing his foot up Sanji performed a powerful kick on the back of Monkey, Chopper and Usopp's skulls while carefully avoiding to hit the two ladies, Vivi and Nami. Usopp and Chopper flew over to the other side of the deck from the force of the devistating blow and Luffy, well Luffy just flew.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" the would be pirate king yelled as the kick propelled him well into the stratosphere. Taking their attention away from the food everyone gawked as Luffy continued to glide helplessly through the air.

"Luffy! My hand!" Zorro shouted as he thrust his hand out for Luffy to grab. Luffy's arm stretched out from his soaring body all the way down to the ship where it promptly grabbed the fish. Zorro's jaw dropped as he looked at the appendage currently wrapped around the gilled creature. "I've got your hand Zorro! Pull me in!" was all Zorro could hear before the hand snapped back to its owner with the fish in tow.

"Luffy!" they all shouted as the meat slapped into his distant body. The last thing they heard before Luffy was totally out of sight was, "THIS MEAT IS DELICIOUS!!!"

Luffy licked his fingers and reveled in the wonderful taste of the meal he had just finished. It had been one of the best meals he had ever had and it took all he had in him not to shout out, "THAT MEAL WAS BRILLIANT!" Blinking Luffy realized that he already had shouted it out. Looking down the boy saw that he was still zooming over the ocean. He had reached the apex of the kick a few seconds ago and was now coming down to hit the water.

That didn't really bother Luffy as he knew that his rubber enhanced body could take practically any impact. The only thing it really couldn't do was swim. Once again Luffy blinked and looked down at the steadily approaching water. Taking in a deep breath he screamed.

Thrashing his arms and legs from side to side Luffy continued to bellow as he was coming closer and closer to his watery grave. Out of the corner of his eye Luffy saw a small island lying about a mile away from him. Quickly stretching his right arm to the land mass the pirate prayed that he could reach it in time.

The water closed in on him and nearly splashed on his face as he felt his hand gained purchase with something sturdy. Screaming, "Gum Gum's Rocket!" Luffy's body snapped forward jetting over the water towards the island at sub sonic speeds.

His body flew straight and sure into the beach where his head planted itself firmly into the sand. Letting go over whatever had directed him to the island Luffy used both his hands to pry his skull from the sand. Coughing up a glob of the dirt Luffy looked up to see a huge bear standing on its hind legs glaring down at him.

Luffy stared at the bear that had a strange bald spot on its head then he looked down at his hand which was holding a big clump of fur. Giving a big smile Luffy said, "Hey! You were the one that saved me! Thanks a-"

The bear interrupted Luffy by hitting him in the head with his claw knocking the boy to the ground. Luffy shook his head and stood up and said, "So you wanna fight! Gum Gum's Spear!"

Stretching his leg back a good ten yards Luffy performed a sharp kick to the bear's stomach. Stepping back a pace the bear collapsed to the ground. A growl was uttered from the bear as it tried to stand up and fell on its back. Seeing the bear tumble caused Luffy to roll around on the beach laughing.

"HA HA HA HA! Mr. Bear, you shouldn't challenge someone you can't beat! I'll forgive you because you look so funny, but don't fight me again or I'll just you beat you up!"

"Mr. Bear!"

Luffy righted himself at the sound of another voice and looked towards the jungle where there now stood a bikini-clad woman. Her long blue hair fell across her alabaster skin. A look of terror crossed her face as she ran across the beach her sandals keeping up clouds of dust. Running to the bear the woman craddled his head as a river of tears poured down her eyes.

"Mr. Bear! Who could have done such a terrible thing to you?!!" she cried and then heard a voice shout,"ME! I was the one that beat up Mr. Bear!"

A surge of anger came over the woman and she turned around shouting, "YOU DID WH-" But stopped herself as she found herself staring at the most beautiful man she had seen in her entire life. His lithe legs were covered in tattered blue shorts and a maroon vest cursedly hung to his torso. A straw hat sat a top a mop of dark unruly hair, which covered his handsome face. Under his right eye a small scar caught her attention and the woman knew that if she looked any longer at him she might faint. Turning away from him she said, "Wh-who are you?"

"I'm Monkey D Luffy! I'm gonna be the pirate king! But first I have to find One Piece! But I have to go to Grand Line to do that! And then..." He trailed off and the woman stopped listening as she once again looked at him. He continued to rattle on and she resumed her examination of him. The most incredible creature ever and he was standing in front of her. He stopped talking and stared at her. She remembered that they were in the middle of introductions and she steeled herself trying to find the will to speak her name. She found that she couldn't. So intimidating was his beauty that her ability to speak had been robbed of her.

Luffy waited for the woman to speak, but was puzzled when she just opened her mouth and gawked at him. He waited for her to say something and when she didn't he did the only reasonable thing a person could do in such a situation.

He picked his nose.

The woman's eyes bulged as her dream man shoved his index finger up his nostril. Closing her eyes she thought, 'To do such a thing in front of me! He's so bold! I must have him!' Standing up she said in her most proud voice, "I am Dark Jungle's Emperor Super Chan Chan the Third! It's nice to meet you!"

Dark Jungle's Emperor Super Chan Chan the Third Walked over to him she stuck her hand out. Luffy took his finger out of his nose and shook her hand. Dark Jungle's Emperor Super Chan Chan the Third looked at his hand with disgust. 'Why must my one true love be so unsanitary!' she thought to herself.

A thought raced through Dark Jungle's Emperor Super Chan Chan the Third's mind and she asked,"How did you know Mr. Bear's name?"

Luffy took his hand and scratched his head while smiling. "Well, he's a bear! It's natural that his name should be Mr. Bear."

Dark Jungle's Emperor Super Chan Chan the Third's mouth dropped and in a startled voice she said, "That's *exactly* what I thought when I named him."

Luffy's already huge grin became larger and he said,"Wow! That's so cool!"

Blushing Dark Jungle's Emperor Super Chan Chan looked away from Luffy as a rush of thoughts came to her. 'He's too perfect! I must know how he feels about me!'

"Luffy!" she shouted and the boy uttered a,'huh' in response.

"Will you marry me?!" she bellowed through closed eyes and waited for his response. The clashing tides were the only thing Dark Jungle's Emperor Super Chan Chan the Third's ears could hear as she nervously waited for Luffy to say something.

"What do you mean marry?"

Dark Jungle's Emperor Super Chan Chan the Third's eyes opened and she gazed into his confused eyes. That was not a response she had expected so she asked, "Don't you know what getting married means?" A shake of his head was her answer and she said,"Well, it means that we would be together for a long time, and I would take care of you and you would take care of me."

Luffy scratched his chin and said,"Does that mean you would cook for me?"

Dark Jungle's Emperor Super Chan Chan the Third blinked and said, "Uh... Yes..."

Throwing his arms up into the air Luffy said, "Than let's get married right away!"

Dark Jungle's Emperor Super Chan Chan the Third's glazed over as she said, "Really?"

"Yes! I can't wait to get married!" Luffy said while thinking about a huge ham being shoved into his mouth by Dark Jungle's Emperor Super Chan Chan the Third's loving hands. A speck of drool dribbled out of his mouth as he began to ate the imaginary pig.

Dark Jungle's Emperor Super Chan Chan the Third blinked and said, "Luffy darling?"

Shaking his head out of his dream Luffy said with conviction, "Let's get married now!"

Dark Jungle's Emperor Super Chan Chan the Third nodded her head and grabbed Luffy's hand as she darted into the forest. Mr. Bear raised his bruised head from the ground in time to see the two running into the jungle and decided to give chase.

"ARRRGGGHHHHH!!!! I'm soooooo hungry! Havent... Eaten... in... ten minutes!!!"

Dark Jungle's Emperor Super Chan Chan the Third was biting at her nails looking at Luffy clawing at his stomach as he rolled on his back. He looked to be in the midst of intense hunger pangs so she said, "I can make a vegetable stew for you!"

Luffy looked at her through his pain and said,"Just so long as it has meat!"

Scratching her head she said, "But Luffy I'm a vegetarian. I couldn't ethically go and kill an animal simply because you're hungry."

"That's okay, you don't need to kill an animal. You just have to get me some meat," he said through a forced smile. One Dark Jungle's Emperor Super Chan Chan the Third's eyebrow rose up and down at the statement. Sighing she tried to think of a solution to the problem and couldn't find one.

They were in the middle of a grassless part of the jungle and as far as she knew there wasn't really much in way of fruit or meat there. Looking back at Luffy Dark Jungle's Emperor Super Chan Chan the Third saw that he was unconscious.

She needed to think of something fast. A rustle from the bushes caught her attention and Mr. Bear walked out. Running over to Mr. Bear Dark Jungle's Emperor Super Chan Chan the Third hugged the beast and said,"I don't know what to do Mr. Bear! He's really hungry, but there's nothing to eat-"

A thought struck Dark Jungle's Emperor Super Chan Chan the Third's mind and she eyed Mr. Bear who gained a newfound look of aprehension. Hitting herself Dark Jungle's Emperor Super Chan Chan the Third shouted,"I can't just turn my back on my life time companion becaus that man wants a snack!"

Mr. Bear uttered a sigh of relief, but then Luffy moaned in his sleep, "Meat... Meat is the fruit of life... Must have meat."

Mr. Bear looked back at Dark Jungle's Emperor Super Chan Chan the Third's face and was terrified to see her looking at him in that strange way again.

"THIS MEAT IS GREAT!!! It's tough, but that just gives it texture! I give it forty five stars!" Luffy said while a mouthful of fur and meat came out of his mouth. Dark Jungle's Emperor Super Chan Chan the Third had her back to him as she cried bitter tears of fury.

"That was a good meal! Now let's go and get married!" Hearing that Dark Jungle's Emperor Super Chan Chan the Third's mood swiftly changed from brooding to pure joy.

"Oh, you'll make such a good husband Luffy darling! But before we get married I have to tell you that the Priest is a little strange," she said adding emphasis to the last word.

Waving his hand at her Luffy said, "How strange could he be?"

"So this is the man you chose to be your mate my dear? I must admit I find him to be rather uncouth. Why exactly is his mouth open like that."

"You're- You're a"

"Oh, Mr. Monkey! Luffy darling is the best man ever! Can we just get married now?"

"This is so cool! I thought I'd never see-"

"I told you my name is Reginald! I suppose I can't change your mind so let us carry out these proceedings. But I firmly believe you will live to regret this."


The dapper looking monkey in question turned his head to look at Luffy who was busy waving his hands all over the place. He had not liked it when two people had come to his mountain top cave demannding a wedding, but found that he simply couldn't turn the girl away. Reginald pushed his wire rimmed glasses up his nose and said, "Rather sharp aren't we? Anyway this is a rather momentous ocassion in-"

"Did you eat the Human Human Fruit like Chopper?"

Reginald frowned at the question and responded, "No, I did not. As I was saying-"

"How'd you learn to talk?"

Stopping a hiss coming from his mouth Reginald said, "I listened to humans speaking for several years and picked it up. Now if we can just-"

"Could you do a back flip?"

A vein seemed to pop out of Reginald's head , but retaining his calm he said, "If I do a back flip would you please stop asking questions?"

Monkey didn't have to think it over and immediately shook his head up and down. Sighing Reginald did a small back flip and landed back on the rock he was standing on.


Reginald couldn't take it anymore. "Would you shut the hell up you stupid git!"

Luffy stopped crying and smiled as he said, "Okay."

Reginald, wanting to leave the presence of this-this-this oaf decided to get it over with as quickly as possible, "doyoudarkjungle'semperorsuperchanchanthethirdtakethismorontobeyourhusband?yesorno."


"You. Same question names reversed."

Pondering it for a second Luffy said,"Sure."

"You two are now married. I am leaving here before I have a coronary," Reginald said as he hopped off the rock and began to walk back to his cave when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned to see the smiling idiot was the one grabbing him. Growling Reginald said,"What?"

"I need an entertainer on my ship and your back flip is so wonderful it makes me cry just thinking about it. Want to join my crew?!" Luffy asked innocently.

Reginald screamed and began to run down the mountain into the jungle. Luffy looked at where the monkey had been then shouted while running into the jungle, "Mr. Monkey! Is that a yes?!!!"

Dark Jungle's Emperor Super Chan Chan the Third looked around herself and saw that she was alone. Something clicked in her brain and she ran into the thick of the jungle yelling, "Luffy darling wait for me!"

Luffy cursed to himself as he rushed past tree after tree. He couldn't find Mr. Monkey and was now, himself, lost. Running around Luffy tried to figure out where he was. He looked to his left. He looked to his right. He was in the jungle. He knew where he was again!

Dashing forward at inhuman speed Luffy burst through the forest and found himself running straight for the water. He tried to stop himself, but found that impossible as he was going to run straight into the water. That is he would have if a leg hadn't intercepted him.

Uttering an 'oomph' Luffy was propelled into the sand. Righting himself Luffy saw that the upraised leg of a well dressed man who said, "That's for taking Ms. Vi Vi and Ms. Nami's dinner you cad."

"Sanji! What are you doing here?" Luffy asked and saw the Going Merry close behind the chef. The rest of the crew were standing on the deck looking at Luffy.

Sanji set his foot back to the ground and said, "We tried looking for you. Guess you landed here. Let's go, Luffy. I've got dinner ready."

"Really?" Luffy said as stars appeared in front of his eyes. Raising his fist forward he shouted, "My hunger will not go unabated!"

Dark Jungle's Emperor Super Chan Chan the Third walked out onto the beach, but found no sign of her husband. "Luffy darling?"

"Hey!" she heard and saw a ship sailing away with her husband on it. He was waving to her and screaming at the same time, "It was really nice meeting you! Bye bye!"

The boat sailed off into the distance and Dark Jungle's Emperor Super Chan Chan the Third stared blankly. She remained that way for several hours until the tide threatened to drag her back into the ocean. Narrowing her eyes she screamed, "Monkey D Luffy! How dare you leave your wife behind! I'll get you for this!"

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